"Reached our natural conclusion, outlived the illusion..."

2007 has been a year of great change for me. I expected it to be, though I didn't expect just how much would change.
I have changed my job after 12 years at the same, safe, comfortable place. I finally started doing my new job at the start of September. I now work in a children's home. I absolutely love it even though it entails some horrendously long hours & the occasional bout of extreme mentalness in the form of the kids' behaviour. And I'm very proud to say that I've taken to the role really well, really quickly. My employers have been heaping loads of praise on me for how well I've been doing.
So in a nutshell, the new job is all good! Which is nice.

My father died back in May. A change I wasn't expecting. I miss him terribly & when I've been home the sight of his empty chair makes me so very sad.

I've all but lost two of my closest friends. I haven't seen Jack & Jill for ages & our lines of communication have withered to a point close to non-existent. It's very sad but I'm slowly starting to come to terms with it.

Then of course there is another change that I didn't anticipate; I have stopped being a blogger.
This is my final post.
I've simply lost that blogging feeling. It doesn't fit into my life anymore.

But it so did.
I want to take this opportunity to tell you wonderful people who have been following the twists & turns of my life that I wouldn't have got here without you. When I first started blogging I was lonely & I was fed up of spending endless hours on my own in my flat wondering what to do.
The blog gave me a purpose, then it gave me an audience & then, most unexpectedly, it gave me a group of wonderful friends to cherish. I absolutely whole-heartedly adored my blog & the wonderful world of blogging. I used to come straight in from work & switch my computer on before doing anything else just to see if I had any new comments.
Oh, I always loved those comments. They were my drug of choice for a while back there! Then I'd do the rounds of all the blogs I loved to read & all the lives I used to immerse myself in.

Now I have come to a point where I still care deeply for the many people out there but I have fallen out of love with the process of it. Notably, since I got over my stupid obsession with the artist formerly known as dream girl, I haven't really had that much to say. Nothing to bleat on about, no great need for reassurance & since falling in love with my very lovely girlfriend (nearly 2 and a half years now!) I've found I don't need to reach out to be loved. However, it was when my blog started having a detrimental effect on my real life, due to people reading it who shouldn't have been, that I found my heart wasn't in it anymore.

I will never forget my days in Blogland, never. I shall always remember how I felt I had friends nearby when I was taking my first scary & lonely steps through Lyon. I shall always appreciate the kindness of those same friends who took the time to listen to my music when I launched "Confessions of an idiot" on to an unsuspecting world. More than anything though I will never, ever forget that those truly magnificient people were always there for me when I needed them. I could try to thank those people adequately but I would fail.

Finally, I'd like to single out a few individuals for special mentions. Before I do though, I'd like to point out that all the people who have come and gone through World Of Flash, Flashpoint & this final incarnation have really meant a lot to me & if I don't mention you individually it doesn't mean that you didn't make a lasting impression on me. I simply don't have the time to mention everybody.

I'd like to start with the man who made it all possible, my dear old friend The Duke of Jokes. One of the most glorious things about my blog has been the constant presence of my old school chum. Which is really fitting when you consider that it was he who suggested blogging to me.

How could ever forget those early days with C (you know who you are)? The phone calls, the shared dreams & discussions of what we'd do when we finally met up (which sadly never came to pass) & my one & only experience of cyber-sex! You were a shining beacon in a time of much darkness. I shall never forget you.

Then, there's Charby. The cheeky chappess from sarf London was the first blogger I ever met in the flesh. And we had a right old laugh. I hope she remembers our booze-ups as fondly as I do.

I couldn't do this without a big shout out to the Tall People of Nottingham. It is with great shame & sadness that I missed Lord Bargain's recent wedding. I'm sorry mate for not letting you know I wasn't coming, I was going through a period of no internet at home but that's no excuse. Sorry.
I really, really enjoyed our trip up to Bolton to appear in Coldplay's "Fix You" video. Just as I did seeing the Bluetones in Nottingham.
Individually, I'd like to thank Swiss Toni for consistently making me feel very good about myself with his wonderful comments. The man has a gift for saying exactly the right thing to me at the right time. A thoroughly wonderful chap.
And as for Lordy B, well he's quite simply the nicest man I have ever met. A true gentleman & scholar. I'll always remember when I went to his house for the first time being made to feel extremely comfortable & talking with the ease of two old friends. I also want to say a special big thankyou to Bargs for being the only Blogger who ever came to Crapsville (that includes you DOJ!). Cheers mate.

I don't know where to start with the blissfully wonderful Spins! I really don't. What a truly exceptional example of a fantastic and fascinating woman. We had an extremely smashing time when she came over to London. A time I know neither of us will ever forget. I could say a lot more but I know I don't need to. Eh, Spins?

And then of course, there is Hyde. I've left her till last because I feel like I owe her a massive debt of gratitude that I don't feel I'll ever be able to repay. This beautiful spirited girl invited me into her home for a week & she made me feel at home. She made me feel so welcome! More than that though, she let me into her life for a few days. A life that had perhaps fascinated me more than any of the others I'd read about. A whirlwind tale of highs & lows, debauchery & a fractured romance all set in the bright lights of New York City. And I got to live that life with her for a few short days. I even met the infamous Narc (and the lovely Hammer, of course).
I think I'd have had a great time in NYC anyway, but with Hyde as my guide I had a time so memorable & beautiful that it will live with me forever. Thank you honey.

Like I said that's not everybody, there's the fella with the great musical taste that I never quite got to meet, the raunchy little foxtress who sent me the e-mails to keep my pecker up while I was in Lyon & the lady I was just getting to know & who had become my latest blog crush. To hint at but a few.

So that's it.
I won't be disappearing completely from the internet, I will be opening a new MySpace page to promote my musical endeavours. Speaking of which, the album is still nearly finished. I scrapped some of it and started again. I just need to finish the vocals, which is proving troublesome. I shall overcome! Another change to add to those I've already mentioned; I shall now be releasing all my music under the name; Nik Aspey. It's all my work, so I figured I should proudly stick my name to it instead of hiding behind a pseudonym.

And I'm sure I'll drop by your blogs from time to time to say hello & to see how you're getting on.
And there's always e-mail (which I will reply to when I get my access sorted!).

Once again, thank you all for sharing this last 3 or 4 years with me.
It's been emotional.
Farewell...(sob)...